


Ours

by whatamess



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Fix it for the end of 3x08, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mention of Past Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8746876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatamess/pseuds/whatamess
Summary: Basically a fix it for after the text Isak sent telling Even to quit texting him. i need these boys 2 b happy





	

It took a second for Even’s smile to fall when he first read the message from Isak. _Stop texting me._ With a period at the end. Final.

His eyebrows furrowed. He read it again. And again. When he put his phone on the bed beside him, his mind wasn’t going so fast anymore. All the thoughts, the _ideas,_ were gone and suddenly just. _I’m pathetic._ Even felt his eyes burn. _I thought song lyrics were going to make a difference? He knows. He knows that I’m a **freak.**_

Even pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. Hard. Until it hurt. Until he couldn’t tell the difference between that pain and the pain of tears coming to the surface.

 _I let myself hope. How fucking **stupid.**_ Even shook his head. That can’t be true he… Isak is confused. Embarrassed maybe? To have a boyfriend who would do something like that… but it isn’t like… it isn’t like he means forever, right? Right?

_I’m so stupid and pathetic to think he’d like me once he saw what I really am._

He felt his throat grow tight. He curled up on his side, face to the wall, trying to push the tears down with his hands, but he can feel them wetting the palms of his hands already. Isak wouldn’t think that. Isak isn’t Mikael. Isak isn’t like that.

_‘I don’t want mentally ill people in my life’_

Even released the pressure against his eyes. Tears were wet against his hands and he sniffled. A tear ran across his face, across the bridge of his nose, down his other cheek, before wetting the bed underneath it.

 _I miss Isak’s bed._ Tears began to fall again. Even could feel his chin quivering. _Pathetic. Stupid. So fucking stupid._

A sob escaped his chest. He let it happen.

 

 

Isak went to school on Monday. Even wasn’t there, but Isak wasn’t looking for him. Was actually going all the places he thought Even wouldn’t be. Magnus asked him where his man was and Isak said he didn’t know. Magnus started to ask why he didn’t know and Isak snapped at him. Mahdi gave Magnus a look that said to drop it and Jonas put an open palm on his shoulder. Silent support. Isak didn’t look at them.

 

 

Even’s mom poked her head in the door. “Even?”

Even stared at the wall. He hadn’t moved since yesterday. The tears had stopped, but his mind still wasn’t quiet. _Pathetic, stupid, fucking messed up—_

“Even. Did you take your medicine today?”

It all started when he stopped fucking taking his medicine, didn’t it? Isak was making him feel so fucking happy and you aren’t really sick if you don’t take medicine to correct the chemicals in your fucked up brain, so…

“Even?” His mom’s voice was taking on that desperate edge, like it does when she doesn’t know what else to do. He hates doing this to her. To everyone. “Even, please answer me.”

“I didn’t take it.”

“Will you?”

“I guess.”

He heard her sigh. “I’ll leave it on the table. I brought you some juice as well. Don’t leave it out. Drink it while it’s cold.”

“’Kay.”

It sounded like she was leaving but the door didn’t close. He waited, listening to see if she was still there or not. He heard her sigh again after a while. “I love you. You’re no failure. Not in my eyes. Never in my eyes.” She paused and it sounded like she was about to say something more, but he couldn’t take that. Not anymore. He just wanted to be alone.

“Please go,” he said, abruptly.

“Even—”

“Please!”

“…Okay.”

The door closed after she said that. He wished he could be a better son for her.

He sat up and he felt so tired and achy and _patheticpatheticpathetic_. He walked over to the table she left his medicine on. Only the one pill and the juice. She didn’t leave the whole bottle anymore.

 

 

Eskild and Noora were sitting on the couch when he got back in.

“Come watch a movie with us,” Eskild says, smiling, holding out a hand, beckoning.

“I really have a lot of homework to do for Bio, so, I really shouldn’t.”

“Sana said she didn’t have anything for Biology so sit down,” Noora said and patted the spot on the couch between her and Eskild.

Isak sighed, kind of wanting to be alone, but he let himself smile after a while. These two dorks.

“What movie?”

 

 

The medicine doesn’t start working immediately. It takes a little while for it to work its way back into your system again. Even knew this by now.

He got up and walked to the kitchen, trying to make an effort for his mom, at least.

He took his lithobid in front of her, making an effort to smile at least a little convincingly at her, and when she hugs him tightly and tells him she loves him he hugs her back and says it too.

Afterwards he went back to his room. He sat on his bed and looked at the drawings he had tacked up on the wall. _Just like the ones I sent Isak. He probably threw them all away by now. Now that he knows I’m a fucking freak. I wonder what he would say if he saw me right now? Unshowered, hair unstyled, face all red and splotchy from crying? He would know he’d made the right decision cutting you out of his life just like his mother._

Even stood abruptly and pulled all the drawings from his walls, tearing them up and throwing them all into the trashcan in a big crumpled up ball.

He looked at the bare wall and at the trashcan. He heard Isak in his head.

‘ _You drew these?... I like them.’_

Tears filled Even’s eyes again and he didn’t stop them. He let himself crumple to the ground. He let a sob rip itself from his chest. He knew his mom probably heard it and was probably so, so disappointed.

_Patheticstupidfuckup—_

 

 

It had taken Isak just about a week to work up the courage to seek out Even again.

It wasn’t that he was disgusted by Even or that suddenly he didn’t like the movie-buff anymore. It was just… heavy. Extremely heavy. That panic at first when he realized what Even had done, realized he ran out to get McDonald’s wearing literally nothing. Running around the city like he had. It was a lot. With Sonja on top of that, making Isak doubt every fucking thing he’d finally been able to accept? It… it was confusing as fuck.

He waited outside one of Even’s classes for him to come out. He didn’t. The last one out the class was a person from his year who was a bit ahead and taking a class in Even’s year.

“Hey,” Isak said, stopping them. “Where’s Even?”

The person shrugged. “He hasn’t been in class all week. I really don’t know. He better start coming or the principle is going to get on him about his hours.”

Isak felt his stomach drop. _Fuck_.

He walked quickly out of school, ignoring Jonas who was asking him where he was going. He and Even really didn’t go to Even’s place but Isak still remembered where to go.

Isak knocked on the door, maybe a bit too hard, but he was worried, goddamn it. He just wanted Even to be okay. All the stuff he's been reading. How depressed people can get after manic episodes. God, he needs to get to Even.

The door swung open to an exasperated teenager who was not Isak at all. “What the fuck is with that knocking, huh? What do you want?”

“Where’s Even?”

The guy looked at him funny. “Why?”

“He-He hasn’t been at school so I’m dropping off notes and stuff for him.”

“You don’t have a computer?”

“T-the teacher gave us worksheets on paper—just! Where is Even?”

“He’s not here. He’s at his mom’s.”

“Where is that?”

The guy gave him another funny look. Isak was getting tired of it. “Just gve me the notes and I’ll get it to Even.”

“No!” Isak yelled, and then realized he’d just yelled and blushed furiously. “Just give me the address please!”

The roommate kind of just looked at him for a second before going back inside. Isak was about to yell after him but the guy came back to the door with a sticky note with an address on it. Isak snatched it out of the guys hand, thanked him, and ran off.

 

 

“Even, I’m going out. I’ll be back in a few hours. You’ll be okay?”

“Yeah,” Even said, smiling. The medicine was starting to kick in again. He still heard all that shit in his head but he could mostly get rid of it by thinking rationally now.

“Call me if you need me?”

“Of course.”

“Love you!”

“Love you,” Even said as she closed the door behind her. He sighed with relief as he looked around him. He really can’t blame his mom for hoarding over him after what happened, but it felt nice to be alone again.

The door, though, began to shake on its frame with violent knocking only a few minutes after his mom left.

Even stood and walked over, pulling the curtains away from the glass part of the door. His breath caught.

It was Isak, breath coming out quickly, face red and sweaty. As soon as he saw Even on the other side of the glass, his face read only of relief. A smile dragged its way onto his face.

Even let the curtains fall back over the glass. He reached out a hand to unlock the door and when he looked at his hand, it was shaking. He paused. _Why is he here? I can’t even look at him without starting to shake like a goddamn leaf. I’m such a freak._

“Even, open the door!” Isak’s voice called, and knocking continued, though not nearly as violent.

_He… he can’t want me anymore. He can’t. …Can he?_

“Even, please.” Isak sounded winded and desperate.

Even tried to stop his hand from shaking as he unlocked the door. He hesitated before pulling the door open.

Isak, right before him. God, it was like a movie. Even sweaty and red-faced he was beautiful. His mouth curled at the edges in the way that made Even want to melt. “Kept me waiting, huh?”

 

 

Of course Even looked good but still seeing the tall, handsome guy before him knocked some of the breath out of him. He smiled and looked at the ground.

Even just looked at him. His eyes scanned Isak like he was hungry but not in a sexual way, but more in a way like Isak was something he’d been waiting to lay his eyes on for years. Isak could understand the sentiment.

“You gonna invite me in or?” Isak said, looking around him awkwardly and Even realized suddenly, too, that he had just been blatantly staring at Isak without saying anything while Isak stood on his doorstep like a salesman. He stepped aside and motioned for Isak to come in.

Now that Isak was inside Even’s house and could get a better look at him, he looked tired. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a couple days. Isak wondered briefly, with guilt settling into his stomach, if he was the reason for that.

“Do you want some tea or something?” Even asked, not looking at Isak anymore, looking anywhere but Isak, grabbing mugs out of the cabinet.

“No, I’m okay.”

Even still kept going on making tea, filling a kettle and putting it on the stove, keeping his back to Isak. Isak had never seen him so tense before.

“Even.”

Even jumped stilled, only for a second when Isak said his name, but then he turned to get the teabags out of a drawer.

“Even.”

Even ignored him still, tense around the shoulders and… and was he _shaking_? Isak took an intake of breath. _What did I do to him?_

Isak walked forward, and Even stopped trying to pretend he was making tea. He let his arms fall to his sides. Isak walked up next to him, trying to meet his eyes but Even turned his head. Isak clenched his jaw.

Gently, Isak took both of Even’s shaking hands in his still ones, and pulled Even to be facing him. Even’s face was still stubbornly turned to the side, but still, Isak could see his lip curled up into his mouth, and his eyes shut tight. He was scared.

Isak reached up and placed both his hands on either side of Even’s face. “Even. Even, baby, look at me.”

Even took a deep breath and finally, _finally_ , opened his eyes.

Isak was taken aback slightly by the sadness in them. His thumb stroked along Even’s jawline. Even’s full, red, bitten lips opened to take a breath and then he quietly whispered—

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Even said, and he felt tears fill his eyes again. He sucked his lip back into his mouth to bite it to stop himself from looking more like a fucking pathetic loser in front of Isak.

Isak’s thumb traced from his jaw to his chin and tapped it, trying to get Even to release his lip from the grip of his teeth. Even did, and Isak’s thumb traced his irritated lip gently, so, _so gently_.

“What do you have to be sorry for?” Isak asked, shaking his head. His other thumb, not on his lip, was rubbing gently along his jaw.

“For… being like I was. For keeping that from you. For… for letting you get close to a freak like me.”

Isak’s eyes opened wide, surprised. “What?” he whispered, shocked. “Are you for real? Baby, you don’t need to apologize for that. You aren’t a freak.”

Even shook his head, his lips pulling into a wry grin. “I am.” A tear built up on his bottom lashes and when he blinked, it fell down his cheek.

Isak looked like he could cry as well. He wiped the fallen tear away with his thumb. “Why would you think that?”

“I ran out of a hotel completely fucking naked after freaking you the fuck out talking about marriage and shit. I put all that shit on you and afterwards instead of being a man and facing you I hid here all week, sobbing into my pillow like a pathetic fuck.”

Isak’s face looked pained. “You aren’t pathetic. You aren’t a freak. You are…” Isak looked down at his feet for a second before looking back up, and when he did he had tears in his eyes and it made Even’s mouth open wider in shock. “Even, you’re amazing. And I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me that you’re sick.”

Even shook his head, not understanding.

“I remembered on the way over here. What I said to you in the locker room. How I didn’t want mentally ill people in my life. I—I can’t imagine how much that hurt you.”

Even shook his head. His hand came up to cup one of Isak’s hands on his cheek. “It makes sense, though. I’m always going to be a fucking hassle. I understand why you wouldn’t want me in your life and I should have resected that—”

“Even, no, no.” Isak let a tear fall from his face, and with the hand that wasn’t being cupped by Even, he wiped it away quickly before returning it back to Even’s face. “No. I was fucking insensitive to say that. I was still bitter about the situation with my mom and saying that, not knowing you well enough to know if that was something that would affect you… it wasn’t okay.”

“But… you wanted me to stop texting you. I thought…”

“I was confused, Even. I ran all around Oslo looking for you, scared out of my mind. And then… Sonja got it in my head that you couldn’t really l—have feelings for me and I believed her. I did until… Until I just fucking thought about you and how amazing you are and…” Isak paused, reaching up and kissing Even softly. Even responded at the last second, but by then Isak was pulling away to speak again. “I knew that she couldn’t know how fucking real what we feel for each other is.”

Even’s other hand, that had been limp by his side, came up to rest on Isak’s cheek. Isak smiled at the cool palm on his cheek and leaned into it. Even swallowed and took a deep breath before whispering, “Isak, I…” he shrugged, “I think I’m falling in love with you. But you need to understand what I get like and if you want to be… be with someone like that.”

“Even,” Isak said, smiling, “I want to talk about your illness too, but I want to tell you now that I’m not going to run away again. I’m here for the long haul. I’m… I think I’m falling in love with you too.”

Even looked at Isak, not knowing what to say or do except hold this boy close to him for the rest of his life because nothing in his life had ever made him feel this… content.

 

 

Laying together in Even’s bed, he explained.

“I’d gone off my medicine. I… I guess partly because you were making me feel so good and I felt like I didn’t need it but also because… it would make me more? Normal, I guess? Less ill? More worthy of you. And that’s part of the shit that can happen. I just… my mind doesn’t fucking stop going and I just can’t sit still and I have to just go, go, go, go. But… I guess what you didn’t see was after that, after you sent me that last text the other side of bipolar disorder. Where I get so low all I can do is lay in bed and cry and wallow in my thoughts. With the medicine its handled, usually, I mean sometimes I’ll have a minor episode but nothing like it is off of the meds.”

Even paused, and Isak curled closer to him, chin resting on Even’s shoulder, eyes watching Even, waiting. Not rushing or anything.

“The depressed episodes are usually the worst. That’s how I got diagnosed a couple years back. I… I’d tried to off myself. It was… it was just that in that episode I’d felt… like I had nobody. And that… I don’t know. Death was the only way out.”

Even paused again, looking at Isak. Isak looked back, whispered, voice broken, “I’m… I’m so fucking happy you lived.”

Even nodded. “I am too. Now.” He smiled and brushed his hand through Isak’s pretty blond hair. Part of him wanted to say something about how in a parallel universe, he might not have made it, and Isak is with another boy, cuter than him, more stable. But he didn’t.

“I’m so fucking glad.” Isak came up to hug him tightly. Even made such an impact on Isak finally accepting himself and made Isak so fucking happy and made Isak feel so… important that if Even weren’t here… Isak didn’t even want to think about it.

Even hugged Isak back, not as tight, but still firmly. Secure. “I just… I'm going to hurt you without meaning to. And it’s not going to be easy. Being with me.”

Isak sat up and looked at Even seriously. “If I wanted easy, I could be with some girl, like Emma, pretending I'm straight. But I don’t want that. I want you.”

“I want you too.”

Isak smiled and gave Even a quick kiss. “Good.”

They laid in silence for a while. Even thought on it. “I’m sorry for distancing myself. And for kissing Sonja. You know I didn't want to hurt you, right?”

Isak nodded against his chest.

“I’m sorry for not trying to help you. I saw how much pain you were in. I'm sorry.”

Isak nodded, looked at Even with a calm smile. “It’s over. All that is over. Now it’s just. The future we need to worry about.”

“Our future?” Even asked, rolling onto his side to face Isak directly.

Isak smiled, tilting his chin up. He whispered, “Ours.”

Even leaned forward to kiss him.

**Author's Note:**

> if there is a typo there is no need 2 tell me, it is 2:30am & i am fighting off some major cough medicine so lmao


End file.
